I think I am officially suffering from an overdose of textbooks and computer screens. I've had a mini-meltdown today, with ugly consequences. DON'T state the obvious! That I am sitting right here in front of my computer RIGHT now.... Writing does seem to help me feel better, which has got to be a good thing as I am feeling a bit glum right now, for reasons unexplained but most likely linked to Lack of Sleep.
This is my desk as I type right now. I thought some flowers would be inspiring. They have no scent but they are a gorgeous colour. I bought them at the market this morning, on sale because they are a bit "old". I also saw these two super cute little backpacks. Why is it that kids can get away with these and we grown ups can not?
The innocence of them just makes me smile and feel good about the world. I particularly like the dinosaur bag, but I'm afraid it would not give me much clout as a potential future journalist. This morning I read about the Nieman Foundation Fellowship winners and am so impressed and awed by their ability. I wish I had their talent to write good journalism. Right now all I am writing is stuff for running magazines that seems so.... so... meaningless and frivolous. I know I am being hard on myself and I shouldn't compare myself to others. I guess some people DO like reading my stuff or they wouldn't keep asking me to write it, would they? I found this, by accident, this morning - my interview with triathlete Ashley Portas.
I am SUCH a wallower. I am wallowing 120% today. It's pathetic. Even a run with my buddies along the river this morning didn't pull me out of it. I've had this before and it usually only lasts 24 hours - like a bad virus.
Tonight I am going off to see "Women of Letters" with my uni buddy, Flick, so that should be good fun. It's part of the Brisbane Writer's Festival. Another reason I am feeling flat is that one of my contacts for my online Obituaries project has come back to me, basically stating that online obits is "just not on". But what is the future of them then, if there will soon be no more newspapers? I need to write back and ask him this but I'm not ready yet. His lack of enthusiasm has really put a dent in my armour. I just feel a bit overwhelmed and out of my depth with trying to put myself into the journalism picture. I feel completely clueless. The librarian at uni was very pragmatic this week when I met with her and I need to remember to walk before I run, so one step at a time and it will all fall into place. Lots of other people think it's a great idea so I need to focus on that. Speaking of which, here are some of the brilliant young journos I work with. We had a barbie on the big deck yesterday with sausages and salad and I sealed my fate in the newsroom with a killer chocolate caramel slice that even the editor commented on. If I'm not going to make it in journalism with my writing skills, at least my baking talents will get me somewhere....
PS: the lady across the road, from two blog posts ago? The one with breast cancer who couldn't get up the stairs? She died this week..... So I will just shut the f**k up now and Live my Life!